


Not A Child

by WaterHorseyBlues



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Anal, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, Smut, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5293277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaterHorseyBlues/pseuds/WaterHorseyBlues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junhong is tired of being treated like a child. Jongup is a good friend and Himchan is over bearing. It takes a lot of mistakes, a lot of convincing and some tears, but eventually he gets Yongguk to understand. Then he gets something a bit more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not A Child

**Author's Note:**

> Took me multiple days and ended up far longer than I expected but it is finally done!

The argument had been over something small and totally irrelevant, but it had turned heated very quickly as Junhong got more frustrated. While he held a great respect for his hyungs, especially Yongguk, there were times being the maknae was not as fun as he made it out to be. Especially when they were arguing.

He hated arguing with Yongguk. It didn't happen often but when they did it made him feel sick and set off deep uneasy feelings in his chest. When it happened there was nothing he could do about it because they were already disagreeing, but it always felt like he was fighting everything he believed in. Like fighting himself.

It had been a minor spat between him and the leader until Yongguk had said, “Because you're the youngest.”

Then Junhong had lost his cool.

“I'm not a child,” he snarled.

That had done it. They were all staring at him now, shocked into silence. Yongguk was the most shocked, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. His hand was still hovering mid-gesture from what he'd just been saying. Daehyun and Youngjae were stood to one side, paused like a video with wet plates in their hands as they cleaned up. Himchan and Jongup were sat at the table, before relaxed against each other and now tense.

Yongguk was the first one to break the silence.

“That's not what I meant,” he started evenly, “You know that.”

“But it's what you think, isn't it?” Junhong continued anyway, anger he didn't even know he had boiling over. “You've said all these things about me growing up, but that's not really how it is. To you I'm still the same kid you met all those years ago.” His eyes were burning now and his chest clenched, but he didn't care. “The same fucking naïve kid who had no idea what shit he was getting himself into.”

“Junhong,” Yongguk tried again. The maknae wasn't one for swearing, and this was easily the angriest he'd seen the younger. “I can see this is something that's been upsetting you for a while, so we can talk about this properly. But what you're saying isn't true-”

He barely had his words out before Junhong turned on his heel with a cry of frustration and marched out of the kitchen. Before any of the members could stop him, he'd grabbed his favourite skateboard and stormed out of the dorms.

He breathed in the air and rubbed his face as he stepped onto his board and kicked off the floor. He closed his eyes for a second as he skated off and tried to hold back the bitter taste in his mouth. His heart was racing and blood was pounding in his ears.

He needed to blow off some steam, and he needed to blow it off fast if he wanted to return on the same day without causing more trouble.

At some point autopilot had kicked in and he'd found himself at the dance studio he'd spent the last few years of his life in. It didn't make him feel much better, but he knew no one would disrupt him here. He'd be left alone as long as he was practising.

As it turned out, practising was definitely helping. The strength of B.A.P's choreography was exactly what he needed when he felt on the brink of smashing something. Dancing always made him feel better – hell, it was one of his favourite things in the world – but the violent nature of the more powerful moves seemed to feed from the volcano that had recently erupted inside him.

He barely noticed someone had come to join him hours later when he lay on the floor, sweating and panting heavily as he fought to catch his breath.

“Need some company?” Jongup's mild voice asked, breaking the younger from his trance.

Instead of turning towards the door, he glanced over to the mirrored wall to see the other's reflection. He had that quietly expressionless look on his face and somehow that just seemed to re-awaken the anger in the maknae. Jongup's clueless indifference was a huge bullshit façade and he knew it.

Junhong turned his gaze up to the ceiling again. “No,” he replied, and sat up. Despite having hardly rested, he began going over the steps again, repeating what he'd been doing the past few hours. He kept his eyes locked with his reflections, and only moved his gaze once Jongup had left. For a brief second he saw the older dancer's back retreating, and felt a pang of guilt.

Jongup had probably been sent to check on him, but he was the one who understood why the studio would be where Junhong was, and he was the one who understood why he needed to be alone. Jongup was more attentive than people gave him credit for. Junhong turned his eyes back to his reflection and spent a small moment thanking fate that they'd met.

He stared at his face silently, taking in his messy hair and flushed skin and the sweat that ran down in drips and imagined what he must've looked like when he was shouting. He knew what he looked like when he put his stage face on, but that was different. Was he scary when he got angry?

The memory of Yongguk's shocked face swam back into his thoughts and he groaned. He hated that he'd done that. He hated that he'd shown that side of himself to his favourite hyung- no, his favourite person.

Before the pit in his stomach could sink any lower he pushed himself up and started up the choreo again from the start. This time, however, he didn't look at the mirror. He couldn't bring himself to look at his own reflection.

Hours later a staff member dropped by to tell him it was late, and he should probably go to bed soon. The suggestion jabbed him where he was tender, but he complied anyway and left the studio. When he jumped on his board, however, he did not head anywhere near the dorms.

Dancing had helped, definitely, but it hadn't been what he really needed. It had all been things he knew. Things he'd been doing for years. It had come naturally to him as breathing. It wasn't enough.

He made his way through the dark streets, his hood pulled low, and headed to a local skate park. He liked it there. No one ever bothered him and the quiet times were predictable. Like, for instance, right now.

He spent a short while going back and forth on one of the smaller half pipes, making sure he was in the right frame of mind before he made his way to the largest one in the park.

He was doing pretty good, he felt, as he shred back and forth across the structure. He'd gained some solid momentum and was picking up speed and height with each turn. That is, until the board hit the side at an awkward angle and he was sent tumbling down the rap, scuffing his hands as he tried to catch himself. When he hit the bottom he was covered in harsh bruises. To add insult to injury, his board had tumbled further away and had a large gouge in one of the wheels.

He lay there for a moment, hissing with pain. Large patches of skin were missing from his arms and he was sure his legs were in no better condition. His back ached and he could taste iron in his mouth. He briefly considered lying there for a good few hours, until the cold night wind blew a cloud of dust over him and he had a small coughing fit. When he finally stood up, he felt like he'd been hit by a car, and almost wished for such a thing to happen as he trudged back towards the dorms.

He opened the door as quietly as he could, tentatively sneaking in and making sure his board didn't knock anything on the way in. This, he mused, is exactly what his childhood should have been. Staying out all night and sneaking in at ungodly hours in the hope of not being discovered. And of course, he realised as soon as he stepped into the main room, there was his worried mother waiting for him.

Himchan looked about ready to break his neck, and Junhong couldn't control the guilt that contorted his face.

“Do you know what time it is?” Himchan whispered angrily.

“Um, no,” he replied, holding his board to his chest like a shield.

“Do you know how many times we tried to call you?”

The guilt pangs were back. He hadn't even considered looking at his phone- he'd probably left it in his room before he'd stormed out. “No...”

“Do you think you should've at least told us where you were all night? Jonguppie went to find you and you'd left the studio. You didn't tell anyone where you were going? What were you thinking?”

Junhong bit his lip as Himchan nagged at him in the same furious whisper. He imagined the other hyungs had long since been sent to bed by the overly maternal visual.

“Don't chew him out as soon as he comes through the door, Himchan. Be glad he's come home safe.” Yongguk's voice carried across the room before the leader himself entered, a hot mug in each hand. He passed one over to Himchan, who immediately took a sip.

The smell of strong coffee wafted over to Junhong, who dropped his gaze down to the floor. He couldn't bear to look his oldest hyung in the eyes.

Himchan let out a disapproving hum and seemed about to start up again, before Yongguk patted him on the shoulder. “I've got it. I'll talk to him. You just go to bed... You probably don't need that coffee now. No, no I'm not going to take it off you, don't worry. If anyone else is awake, which they probably are, let them know he's back okay.”

With a sharp look at the oldest and youngest members, Himchan headed out of the room towards his bedroom, muttering under his breath.

Then, it was just Junhong and Yongguk.

“Jees, you look like you've been in a fight. What happened?” Yongguk asked, looking over the bruises and bleeding scrapes all over the tall boy before him.

“I-” Junhong began to answer, but stopped himself. What was he going to say? Oh, I fell over while I was at the skate park and got all these owies. No. He wasn't going to give in that easily. Not right now.

When he realised he wasn't getting an answer, Yongguk let out a deep sigh. “Come on, we'll talk in my room. I'll clean up some of your injuries and bandage them up.”

“I can do that myself,” Junhong managed to murmur, feeling thoroughly embarrassed by everything that had happened.

“I know you can, but you look like hell and I want to do this for you while we talk.”

It was a little much to take in, but he swallowed and nodded. He let himself be guided into Yongguks room and took a seat on the edge of the bed while the leader left to get a wet cloth and some bandages. He sat awkwardly and lowered the board down to the floor, wincing as he strained bruised muscles. It was only when Yongguk came in with the box of medical supplies, a bowl of warm water and a wet towel did it really occur to the younger how much of a mess he must look.

Yongguk dabbed at the scrapes on Junhong's upper arm, cleaning off the dirt and leaving the raw red skin beneath. Just as a few beads of blood started to ooze through, he covered it over with a cotton pad and began to bandage it. He did this to each of the scrapes and cuts as he began to talk.

“I know it must be frustrating being the youngest, and I know it was hard on you. We all went through this hell together.”

“Hyung-” Junhong began, but was cut off as Yongguk help up a hand.

“Let me finish. We went through it together, and we've come out of it together. We're a family, and as a family we need to talk about things that are upsetting us. I don't want you to think that you can't say things just because you're the maknae. I want you to feel looked after, not looked down on.”

“Hyung, I didn't mean to say it the way I did. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got so angry... I just don't want everyone to keep looking at me like I'm a kid.”

By now Yongguk was gently attending to his hands, and Junhong watched as the older carefully removed bits of grit and dirt from his palms.

“Don't worry about that. I'm glad you said it because I want to put your mind at ease.” as he said this, he took Junhongs hands between his in a gentle grip and locked their gazes.

Junhong felt his mouth go dry and swallowed visibly. He could feel his face getting progressively redder as the other stared at him with such an intense, determined expression.

“I don't think you're a child. I meant everything I've said as you've got older. I've known for you for years and sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday we were working on Never Give Up.” Yongguk let out a quiet, awkward laugh.

“I'm not that kid any more though,” Junhong mumbled, conscious of how his voice shook, “I've changed, a lot, since then.”

“I know you have,” Yongguk agreed and his gaze dropped down to look at the scuffed hand he held between his own, “But I am much older than you, so to me you seem very young.”

“I don't want to be very young to you,” Junhong snapped, eyes burning again.

“Junhong-”

“No!”

He didn't know how he'd managed this, or how it had happened, but he found himself with a hand either side of the older. Yongguk was flat on his back on the bed, staring up at him with a shocked expression that pulled him straight back to the argument that had started it all that morning. A part of him wanted to jump back and apologise, to run away and hide and never step a toe out of line again. The rest of him, however, was crumbling with frustration and a desperate need to make the man he'd idolised for years understand how he felt.

“I spent so many years looking up to you. I spent so long performing by your side and watching you work on our music. All that time I worked so hard to be as good as you- good enough to be your equal. But you never saw me that way. No matter what I did I couldn't ever get you to see me... The way I wanted you to see me...” His voice shook as he spoke, cracking as he choked out his words. Tears were rolling down his cheeks now.

“Is that... All you wanted? To be my equal?” Yongguk asked, voice quiet.

Junhong pressed his lips together, shaking a little bit now. Tears were still spilling from his eyes. After a moment, the older raised his hands to brush the tears falling down his face. Junhong found himself leaning into the warm touch, eyes closing. As those large hands cupped his face he felt a small gasp escape him.

“Is that the only thing you wanted?” Yongguks deep voice rumbled, and the younger found himself opening his eyes to look down at the older, confused by his tone. The man was looking up at him with an expression he'd never seen before. The dark eyes were soft and hopeful, fixed on him with a great intensity. His thick lips were pressed against each other, jaw tense.

“No,” Junhong found himself whispering.

“What else did you want?” Yongguk whispered back, head tilting to the side slightly.

They stared at each other for what could have been seconds or even hours. Junhong was the one to break the eye contact when his gaze dropped down to Yongguk's mouth.

That simple action snapped the tension between them and immediately the older pushed himself up to crush their mouths together. Junhong let out a breathy moan against his lips, hands moving to grab at any part of him he could reach. Yongguk's hands were in his hair, fingers combing through the black locks and grazing down the back of his neck.

When they broke away, they were both breathing heavily and their lips were slightly swollen from the force of their kiss.

“Hyung,” Junhong breathed out.

“No,” Yongguk muttered, leaning back in to kiss the corners of his mouth and jaw, “Not hyung. Not right now.”

“Yongguk,” he whined out instead, tilting his head back as his neck was ravished by that perfect mouth. His legs, which had been keeping up during this ordeal, finally started to give out and he moved himself to sit on the other's lap and pressed their bodies close. His hands wandered up under Yongguk's shirt, fingers tracing his toned stomach. He felt the muscles tense under his touch as the man beneath him squirmed. He smirked and moved his hands upwards from the sensitive stomach to explore his chest. As the older arched into his touch, he grinned and rolled his hips down, producing a low moan from him.

“Wait,” Yongguk breathed out, breaking away from him. When Junhong's hands kept moving, he pushed them away. “No, Junhong, wait.”

The maknae shrunk in on himself, head dipping a little self consciously. “What is it? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he insisted, hands reaching out to take hold of the youngers, “No, no you did nothing wrong. It was me. I did something wrong. I shouldn't be doing this to you...”

“What?”

“I shouldn't have done this. I can't do this to you.”

“Hyung-”

“Oh God I've fucked up really badly, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have-”

“Stop!” He shocked himself with the force of his voice. It was shaking again and for the third time that day Yongguk had that surprised look on his face and Junhong was really starting to hate himself. “What are you talking about?” He asked, voice quiet and breaking a little.

“I took advantage of you,” Yongguk replied softly, “I lost sight of what was important. When you asked me to see you as an equal I chose to see you as something else. I shouldn't have done that.”

Though their eyes met, Junhong almost didn't want to look at the sadness in them. He squeezed the older man's hands and held them to his chest.

“Yongguk,” he began evenly, “that's bullshit.” There was that surprised expression again, but he couldn't have cared less this time. “You didn't take advantage of me because you did what i've always wanted you to do. Do you understand how hard it's been, being at your side this whole time? All those years you saw me like a son was driving me crazy. Every year I got older and you never saw the way I looked at you. Yes, Yongguk, I want you to see me as an equal...” He paused and took a breath before continuing, “But I also wanted you to see me as something else.”

“Junhong... You should wait for the right time.”

“No,” he insisted, getting frustrated again, “I've waited for years for this moment! I've spent too long just sitting around waiting for things to happen. We waited for... For when I was old enough so we could try to fix everything together and then we waited again hoping that anything could come to pass and we waited so long that we're here again and, and, and I waited for this moment for so long I thought it would never happen but now things are actually happening again and-” he took a heavy breath, eyes stinging and throat closing up, “I want this to happen. I want this so bad. I want you, so bad.”

Yongguk slipped a hand from Junhong's grip to wipe away a tear the younger didn't even realise he'd shed. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss against his lips that the maknae more than happily reciprocated, melting into his touch. He gave his lip a gentle nip before pulling away, smirking at the small needy whine it produced.

“You're right. We're not going to wait any longer,” he said quietly, then pulled Junhong into another kiss. His mouth worked against the other's, tongue sliding out and teasing at his lower lip. When Junhong's lips parted he slid his tongue into his mouth, coaxing the other's into life. He slid his hands into his dark hair – something that he was still getting used to – and felt the quiet moan it elicited against his lips.

With one swift movement, he'd pushed Junhong down onto the bed and attached his lips to his neck. A gasp escaped the younger's lips as his shirt was pushed up and hands roamed his chest. While everyone had got an eyeful of the maknae's incredible new abs, and more than a few members had given that toned stomach a jealous pat, Yongguk could never have imagined how good it would feel to have his hands all over them. Beneath him the younger was grabbing at any part of him he could reach, tugging at his shirt desperately.

They broke apart to rip each other's shirts off and throw them aside. He didn't give much time for Junhong to prepare himself before he was covering every part of that perfect torso in sucking kisses. Hands were tangled in his hair and and stroking down his neck and nails dug into his skin whenever he'd bite into the gorgeous expanse of skin beneath his lips.

Junhong was crumbling beneath the older man's ministrations. Some part of him couldn't quite believe this was happening but the rest of him was so hot with need that it didn't bother him too much. Impatient, he tugged on Yonggk's hair.

“Please,” he managed to gasp out, “Please, God, please just...”

“Just what?” Yongguk mumbled against his stomach.

“Fuck me, please,” Junhong wined.

Those words send a shiver down the older's spine and he barely stifled a groan. He moved his way down the long beautiful body beneath him and made quick work of removing those incredibly tight jeans. Junhong's hard arousal was straining against his briefs and Yongguk took no time to press his tongue against it.

Junhong let out a low moan and his hips bucked up instantly. The hot, wetness of Yongguks' tongue seeped through the fabric onto his hard flesh and made him desperate for more. The older didn't disappoint as he yanked away every scrap of clothing on the taller boy's body and moved back in to drag his tongue up the length of his hard cock. It took barely anything to have the tall boy moaning and writhing, completely at the mercy of that amazing tongue. When Yongguk pulled away, he let out a needy whine.

“Wait,” the older murmured, voice slightly husky.

Junhong let out a frustrated sound, “Don't do this to me now!”

“No,” he replied, voice laced with amusement, “I meant wait for a minute.” He shifted away from the impatient boy and reached over for his bedside draw and pulled out a small bottle and a plastic packet.

Junhong couldn't help the small grin that pulled at his lips, despite the blush that was rising up his cheeks. Somehow having someone's tongue on your dick was far less embarrassing than seeing their lube. It became notably less embarrassing, however, when Yongguk's slender finger, coated in lube, began to circle his entrance. As he pushed a finger in, Junhong tensed at the unfamiliar feeling.

“Shh,” Yongguk whispered, stroking small circles into the dip of Junhong's hip, “Relax. Just relax. Trust me.”

He worked the younger open with deep, slow thrusts of his finger. When he'd relaxed enough, he carefully slid in a second finger and continued at the same slow pace. It might have been agonising, if the tall body spread out before him wasn't arching and undulating with the worst of elegance he only usually saw in paintings. There was no doubt in his mind of the younger's passion and love for dancing, with the way his hips rolled easily like the tide against his hand.

It was like an angel had descended down to earth the moment Junhong let out the first moan as Yongguk's fingers stroked his prostate, sending waves of pleasure through him. He curled his fingers over that spot again and again, drawing out the cries heaven itself with each noise that escaped those perfect lips.

“Yongguk... Please. I'm ready, I'm so ready. Oh God, Please,” he was almost incoherent with need, gazing at the other rapper with eyes darkened with lust.

Yongguk didn't need much convincing as he withdrew his fingers and ripped open the plastic packet. He rolled the condom down his cock and coated it with a generous layer of lube. His hands stroked up Junhong's inner thighs as he spread those long, gorgeous legs apart just a little bit further and held a firm grip as he lined himself up against his entrance.

He paused, the head of his length brushing against the stretched muscle. Looking up, he found his gaze locked with the other's. After a tiny nod that said yes, he definitely still wanted this, Yongguk pushed into his body while holding eye contact. The blush that blossomed across the maknae's pale skin like paint soaking into a new canvas was a masterpiece that the leader never wanted to forget. The high pitched whine that escaped his mouth made him wonder they they'd never considered the younger rapper to attempt more powerful vocals before.

All coherent thought was quickly shoved aside as Junhong began to roll those amazing hips, fucking himself on Yongguk's cock. They were small, shallow movements but the intense tight heat of the younger's body combined with the way the light hit his sharp hipbones drew deep moans from the older's mouth. He shifted his grip on those gorgeous thighs and began to thrust into him.

Each thrust pushed a breathy whine from Junhongs mouth. He rocked himself back against each thrust, barely able to process how much Yongguk filled him up, stretching him open beyond what he could've imagined. He grasped desperately at the bed, searching for something to find purchase on. His eyes stayed glued on the older, watching the way his tan skin flushed and shone as each toned muscle in his body worked.

“More,” he breathed out, “Yongguk more.”

The older didn't need much convincing as he thrust harder into the man beneath him. He let go of one thigh to lean forwards and place a hand on the mattress beside the younger's head. Junhong turned his head very slightly and unclenched a hand from the bed. He reached up and pawed at Yongguk's wrist until the older moved his arm and linked their fingers together. The weight of his leaning body pressed their hands firmly into the mattress but Junhong didn't mind at all. The older was gripping onto him in a way he'd wanted for years and he held onto his hand with such a firm grasp it might have bruised, but he never wanted to let go.

Yongguk leaned down and closed his lips around one of Junhong's pert nipples, grazing his teeth over the sensitive skin. The younger shuddered at the sensation, free hand reaching up to slide through his hair. He barely contained a smirk as he flicked his tongue against the stiffened nub and heard the other gasp, back arching.

The maknae was mostly gone by this point, each thrust feeling like it was pushing deeper into him and the attention of that talented mouth leaving him unable to control the moans and keens that escaped him. When Yongguk gave his nipple a particularly sharp nip he instinctively gave the leader's hair a sharp tug. He had meant it to just indicate he'd like a little bit more gentle treatment, but the moan that it ripped from the older had him bucking against him madly, legs wrapped around his waist in a vice grip.

Yongguk took this as a sign and thrust faster against the taller, letting go of his thigh to wrap around his neglected cock that was weeping precum. He stroked his shaft in time with each movement of his hips, mouth trailing kisses over his chest. Junhong was writing beneath him, far past controlling his gasps and cries. With each thrust Yongguk's cock was hitting his prostate and sending waves of pleasure through his body that left him dizzy.

At some point he managed to free his hand from Yongguk's grasp and grabbed his face in both hands. They gazed at locked eyes as they moved together, their gaze slightly impeded by the loose strands of hair that had fallen over Junhong's face and stuck to the sheen of sweat that clung to every inch of his skin. Yongguk felt a strong need to push it aside so he could properly look at those beautiful eyes, but Junhong had already curled his tall body up to smash their mouths together.

The kiss was passionate, if a bit sloppy, but neither of them minded a bit. Junhong's fingers curled into Yongguk's hair and yanked his head back a little, giving his tongue access to the older's mouth as he let out another deep moan. By this point they were losing rhythm and grinding against each other as sought climax.

Junhong was the first to go, his orgasm exploding through him with a strength he'd never even imagined. It was beyond anything he'd managed by himself in the shower or at night when the lights were off. He let out a raw cry against the other's mouth, digging his nails into his scalp and hips bucking sharply as his whole body tensed and his cum shot over his stomach and chest.

Yongguk barely lasted a moment after, drowning in everything that was Choi Junhong in this perfect moment. His body shook as he growled out the other's name, breath heavy as he rutted against his ass.

They stayed like that for a moment, both of them fighting to get their breath back as the after glow tingled their skin and made them both hazy. Yongguk managed to pull himself out of the younger, who let out a tiny whine of discomfort, and threw the condom into the bin. Then he flopped down next to the taller rapper, who pulled him close.

They lay in silence for a while snuggled against each other and limp with exhaustion. Yongguk watched a bead of sweat roll down Junhong's sharp jawline and onto his neck where it curved around his adams apple. He leaned in and pressed a tender kiss there, his hand brushing down his arm to link their fingers together.

“Yongguk,” Junhong mumbled.

“Hmm?” he hummed in reply, too tired to formulate proper words.

“I...” He paused and Yongguk raised his gaze up to look at him questioningly. “I love you. A lot. And I don't mean that just because we just had sex. I really love you, Yongguk, and I always have.”

Yongguk blinked at him and felt a great warmth burst in his chest. He leaned in and placed a soft, slow kiss to Junhong's mouth before using the last of his energy to mumble back “I love you too, Junhong.”

With that, they pulled the bedsheets up over them and fell asleep.

 


End file.
